Self Compassion November 29, 2018 – Posted in: self care – Tags: ,

We are not responsible for how other people feel, and other people aren’t responsible for how we feel.  Self compassion is recognising  this basic fact and living according to this principle.

“When there are fear and anxiety it leads to depression.  Our relationship problems often come because our parents themselves were broken and unwhole.  We learned many things about what a relationship is from our parents growing up.

We should never search for personal power and security outside of ourselves.  In doing so, we give all our power away to someone who often will use you for their own purposes. We can be loved but we can’t get love from people really.

When someone says they “love you” in today’s interpretation of the word what they mean is they love who you are and how you make them feel when you are around.  It doesn’t mean that they really love you to the point that they want what is best for you.

This is why we can’t “get” love, security, survival and approval from anyone.  We can only become it for ourselves.

For many of us as children, we couldn’t be these things for ourselves as our bodies and brains hadn’t fully developed.  We often didn’t grow up from a point of personal power unless we got it from our parents.

The good news is that now, as adults, we can become it even if we didn’t get it as children.  This time it’s no one else’s responsibility but our own.

codependent

Healing and respect has always been between us and ourselves.  Other people are simply messengers.  Maybe they are questionable characters from a real life perspective but they are just simple messengers as far as we are concerned in mental health.

Messengers find your wounds and attack and show us our wounds so we can grow.

Self Compassion

Someone else can’t change your thoughts, attitude, and perspective in life unless you accept their attacks and insults as true.

Don’t let shitty behavior diminish you. Ask yourself, what is the person doing to try to get a reaction from you?  And how am I reacting to their shitty behavior?  If they are succeeding in compromising you from staying centered than you are playing into their flaws and manipulation.

When attacked, don’t look at abuse, heal the reason why you accept abuse.  Stop blaming the person attacking you, they treat you like this because you have something in you that accepts this.

toxic relationship

It’s ok to love, but it’s not ok to exchange love for getting tortured for it.  This is just an exchange for the other person to build their ego.  It’s not a healthy independent relationship between two individuals.

If you react emotionally to attacks or insults, it’s because it’s a trigger for you.  Never react to insults, shamming, and generally shitty methods.

If you have a trigger, you need to identify it and heal it.  If you don’t it continue to rule your responses and your life..

Heal from yesterday, live today, grow for tomorrow.  This is the basis of having compassion for yourself.  Self compasssion isn’t feeling sorry for yourself, it’s realizing what you have been through in your life and how this has affected you psychologically at a very deep level.  A level that most aren’t capable of seeing and adjusting.

Here are a few ideas and quotes that can used to adjust at the deepest level to reach your higher self and live with what we will call self compassion.

  • “Whether I am loved or not, I am Love.”
  • TV and society tells us if we aren’t in a relationship, we should feel lonely.   It is not true.
  • You are as worthy of love and approval as anyone else
  • “I approve of myself fully.  And I don’t deal with people who don’t approve of me.”
  • “I’m not defined by anyone’s relationship to me or anyone else.”

We are not obligated, nor should we be, to make other people feel good.  We don’t receive love for making other people feel good.  People need to know this.  You aren’t here to rescue people from their feelings or personal psychological problems.

I am never again going to focus on other people’s problems in a major way. I am the full solution to myself.

Affirmations

1-  It’s safe for me to be myself.
2-  It is safe for me to be in my own body experiencing peace despite all problems other people have.
3- It is safe for me to not match and march to everyone else’s drum.(just because we don’t fit someone doesn’t mean there is a problem with us).
4-  It is safe for me to honor how I feel and say NO.(and not accept certain things in my life)
5-  It is safe for me to say no and walk away.
6- It is safe for me to honor myself. 

And so it is done, and so it is true as it is my birthright.

Anyone who can’t love, accept, and secure you, is not someone to have a relationship with.  If we ignore this, we will be taken advantage of and badly treated in life.  Never fear losing anyone, Ever.    I unconditionally love and accept myself.

“Its never too late to be who you should have been”

This is the basis of self compassion.